Bonnie Ware is a nurse who worked with dying patients for a number of years.  She has written a book entitled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.  Ms. Ware made the observation that those facing death had a number of common regrets.

Most of her patients regretted not being true to commitments they had made, or dreams they had hoped to achieve.  Often people expressed this regret in terms of meeting the expectations of others, rather than fulfilling their own aspirations.  I wonder if there is some “shifting of the blame” in this sentiment.  Certainly, this could be a misplaced regret.  For example, I regret not climbing Mt. Everest, but my children needed food, so I settled for a steady income rather than fulfilling my dream. 

Every male patient of Ms. Ware’s indicated that they regretted spending so much time working and so little time with family and friends.  I expect this is a universal regret.  Again, I wonder if this is realistic.  You either have a job or you don’t; and if you have one, you try to keep it by working hard.  Is the tradeoff of providing for your children’s college education worth the hours you would have spent with them had you not provided it?  For some it is.  For others, the value of instilling a sacrificial work ethic and the self reliance that comes with it outweighs the value of those extra hours.  For some, survival is more the issue than time with loved ones. 

Many people regretted not being able to express their feelings to others.  Ms. Ware concludes that people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.  For all of you who have suppressed your feelings to live in peace with me, I want you to know that I appreciate it.   

 Frequently, dying patients wished they had stayed in touch with old friends.  I can appreciate this.  My friend Barry recently observed to me that in his opinion “life and ministry is about relationships.”  The saddest part about this is that the surviving friends may never know how valuable they are to the dying.

The fifth regret was “I wish I had let myself be happier.”  Ms. Ware concludes that the fear of change, the ease of familiarity, habit, and patterns of behavior all conspired to trick people into settling for comfort rather than happiness.   Could not comfort and happiness co-exist?

Those of us in ministry frequently have access to those who face death.  Brothers and sisters, it should be our aim to give the dying a reason to rejoice.  Let them know that though their sins be as scarlet, Jesus will wash them white as snow; and that they can go to a home where there will be no regrets. 

If I were dying I would regret not having better doctors.  This blog is posted every Monday afternoon.  This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it